Child's Prayer

Tonight, Luke and I and our five kids were chlllin' on our back patio when we heard sirens.

Anna-Claire came running up to me very upset. "Mom, did you hear that? What should we do?"

My response "You pray for them."

She bowed her head and looked at me...and with my help... she said this prayer

"Dear Jesus,

Please be with the person who might be hurt. Help the ambulance workers too. Be with the policemen who might be chasing a bad guy. And Jesus, be with the firefighters who might be putting out a fire.
Amen"

Anna-Claire gave me the biggest smile...cause she knew.... there really was something she could do...

A 5 year old's prayer :)

The 3 M's

Sometimes, you just gotta let it all go.

Last night I did exactly that.
I've recently had to process a lot of information that I just don't know what to do with. (More to come on that later... but not now) So, rather than continue to teeter back and forth about what to do, I decided to cook.
Since my favorite place on earth is Maui,and I'm not going there anytime soon, I chose the next best thing. A Maui inspired dinner.
The Menu -

(1) Macadamia Nut Mahi Mahi - An A list item. I give it 5 stars.

(2) Mai Tai's - God bless the inventor of those!

(3) Michael Buble' Not exactly Maui material, but I love him... so he fits.

There is quite possibly nothing better than an exceptional dinner followed by an evening dance in the kitchen.
Yep, that was fun. Tonight -pineapple pork chops.

Grenade

I'd catch a grenade for you
Throw my hand on a blade for you
I'd jump in front of a train for you
You know I'd do anything for you
I would go through all this pain
take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes I would die for you, baby

But you won't do the same

After hearing this song a couple times, my husband announced this was so true about me. And I had to think for a second, cause being accused of this sort of sounds like being called a heartless shrew.
Now granted, the verses in the song definitely depict a heartless, should be hospitalized for some serious mental problem, crazy chic. And that was NOT what my husband meant.

He was basically pointing out that I probably wouldn't run to jump in front of a flying bullet for him if I saw one in time to catch it. He was right!

But when I told him he was right, he got seriously offended.
It took me some time to think it through though. Why on earth would I, given the opportunity, not try to save my husband?

There must be an answer to this question.
Looking for clues, I thought of the Titanic. "Women and children on the boats first." Okay, so there's that. But that's not what I would consider a good excuse.

So I went with the big guns.
"Luke, tell me we where in the Bible does it say that a wife has to die for her husband?"

Luke "Ummmm..."

Me "Exactly! It doesn't. In fact the opposite. It says a husband is to love his wife the way Christ loved the church. And what did Christ do for the church? He DIED! So this means that YOU have to DIE for ME! Case in point - that song is very accurate!"

Luke "Okay, fine. Actually, it would be pretty messed up if you saved me instead of me saving you."

And now "Grenade" by Bruno Mars is my husband's ringtone on my phone.

My Guy!

Where to begin....

Almost 2 years ago, Justin had a seizure. A bad one. It was one of the single most scary things I've ever witnessed. (And I've seen this child with a fishing lure dangling from his eyeball)
My child didn't know who I was, didn't know his name, didn't know where his room was, and couldn't even figure out how to put on his own clothes. He vomited several times before going and getting under a pile of laundry. When I took him to the ER they ruled it a seizure, and after several tests... which he doesn't remember... we scheduled an EEG (electroencephalography).
We met with a neurologist that basically told us we get a freebie, but if it happens again... meds!

Well, he never passed out again. Thank God... cause that was terrifying! But he just progressively got ... how to say it... not right. The thing is... looking back is so 20/20 hindsight. It's been so gradual that I didn't notice right away. But when I realized that he couldn't figure stuff out anymore, I really thought he was just being a twit. Holding a conversation became SO one sided and single tracked it was irritating. There were times that he would do everything so slowly it was like he was either a zombie, or on dope. (he's not) But it really felt that way. Other times he's really cool. He cracks good jokes, he helps out around the house, he's in all other ways a pretty normal kid. Until he has an episode. He just... isn't there anymore. Doesn't get it.

Since we began Messiah Lutheran (awesome school, amazing teachers and staff) he's been so stressed out about being with kids his own age, tests, grades, not being home... that his weird behavior became serious. So I scheduled an appointment with a pediatrician.
Yeah.... umm... one doctor is not just as good as the next.

She basically said she thought he was still having seizures and referred us back to the initial neurologist (brain doc). I HATE when they do that! "I've got no clue.... you're google is as good as mine... go see someone else!"

And so we did.
He goes... "Well, two years ago, when he had the EEG there was a lot of seizure activity..."

STOP!!!!!!!!!!

What the hell did he just say?! This is the first I've heard of it AFTER TWO YEARS..... and don't worry, I was so pissed off I called my mom and screamed at her, and then I called Luke and screamed at him until my voice was hoarse.

No wonder we've been going freaking backwards!!!!!!

My child... the one that I didn't have to worry about. My child... the one that understood everything. My child.... the genius that was reading 4th grade books at age 6. My child.... has been fading away and no one could tell me why.

Someone referred me to Dr Patrice Whistler.

We had to book this appointment in way advance (clue #1)

When we arrived, we waited for 50 minutes to see the doctor (clue #2)

When she walked in.... I handed her a printed sheet of things that I'd been noticing about Justin for a while. She took it, asked to keep it, started writing notes all over it.... and as we talked she rummaged through her computer to find his EEG report (to which she read to me)... something I'd never heard. My stomach dropped when I heard it. It was like a punch to the gut when I heard the diagnosis "epilepsy" . This had been sitting in some back archive file for two years and I'd never heard this.

All I can think is... how long has his brain been re-routing and cross firing and playing Pearl Harbor and Beaches of Normandy? It's been WWII inside there for how long?

Dr. Whistler was so awesome... she laid out a huge plan and a series of test, new sleep EEG, psych education, PTOT assessment, labs and a pediatric neurologist referral .... the works.
It finally feels good to be heading in the right direction with someone who KNOWS what they're doing.

4AM

Luke "Kimberly, I need help."

Me "Okay, what did you do?"

Luke "It was stupid. Don't ask."

Me "This needs stitches. Did you pass out?"

Luke "Only a couple times."

Me "The next time Cody does something stupid for no good reason, I'm going to remind you of this."

Don't worry. I patched him up with butterfly stitches and superglue. Unfortunately, I'm not the most gracious nurse at four in the morning so some jeering was involved. Needless to say, Luke's sworn off playing with knives in the middle of the night.

In Pieces

I think I should just admit it. I feel like a failure as a parent. I've homeschooled my kids for several years. Which sort of feels like confessions of civil war.
Now that all five of my kids are going to private school, I've been able to see the areas that I seriously let them down. I'm not the sharpest pencil in the box, and I have my blond moments, but I thought I was holding my own. And perhaps against the public school system I was, but not this school.
Justin is having stress seizures without blacking out. It's kinda like he's coherent one minute and the next, if you ask him what color his shirt is, he'll say " 7!"

Bethany has dyslexia. Which, to anyone who has a child like this, is one of the most frustrating things imaginable. (Spell the word "four"..... fore, for, fuor, fr, fer, orf, erof, four.

Dulcey has a smashed finger, thanks to Cody. Which looks horrific, and may need more treatment than just a bandaid. (we'll see)

Anna-Claire has a finger that is so bad, she's lost most the flesh off of the tip and half of the nail. I've made her soak it twice a day (crocodile tears), and neosporin and it still looks gruesome.

As for me, I've been in the ER, I'm in pain, and now I'm pretending it's all been just a bad dream. I'm cranky, and irritable, and I've spent half of the grocery bill on gas just to trek across town several miles to pick up and drop off one child or three or two, or whoever is suppose to be getting in my car.
I feel like a new mother again. You know that moment when you bring your first child home from the hospital and it's like 11pm and you're exhausted and the kid looks at you and you look at it and think "Well.... what now?"

I just want to cry.

PUSH IT!

As you all know, Luke and I embarked on a dash that took us through an obstacle course, blood infested mud, fire and all three miles of it at a breath sucking elevation of roughly 10,000 ft elevation.
Okay, so the beginning wasn't so bad... the junkyard (jumping over cars) was kind of a joke but still fun. The hay bales weren't the hay bales I had in my head- super easy. Hell's hills were exactly that... and wow, there was just no real way to run it the entire stretch (since you can't freaking breathe!!!!) But once I hit the downhill, it was actually easy. Like skiing downhill, I just let gravity take me and coasted the whole way down. The "6ft wall" I had been so nervous about was actually a series of 3 3ft walls. (To which I slung my foot over and saddled).
Now, I'm not saying it was easy. But it very well could've been done by anyone. I could've princess pranced the whole freaking thing. There were old ladies with "titanic survivor" t-shirts that could walk this sucker. Yeah, the mud is gonna make you get down and dirty, and the walk the plank is no freakin joke (you fall, you're gonna break something- hopefully not vital), but I really thought it was gonna be more of a challenge.
Now, don't get me wrong. I was definitely sore the next couple of days. Ironically in the one and only place I don't like to workout. I like my calves. They're not firm, they're tiny, and they have a perfect curve. That said... they're completely useless. And they were screaming at me all week.

So, this week. As I've completely recovered from warrior dash, a good friend of mine. The one and only, Kathy, who convinced me to do the warrior dash in the first place.... gives me this website.
A website that makes the warrior dash, the medal I earned, the t-shirt I bought, and the photos I took, look like a freaking theme park ride as Disneyland!!!!!!!
So... of course, I'm doing the warrior dash again next August.... but....


I'm doing the TOUGH MUDDER in July! (average finish time 2.5 hrs)http://toughmudder.com/info/


The thing about it is..... it benefits wounded soldiers. Like I said in my Monday motto.... "do it even though it's hard, cause there's always someone who wishes they could" Yeah, it's gonna hurt, and take a lot of energy and I'm gonna wanna quit at some point, but I'm going to finish this... because I know I can and I've been blessed enough to have the ability.

Time to step up that 3.5 mile run, 50 burpees a day, thank you bodypump training 10 hour days, BRING ON THE PAIN!!!!!