In Pieces

I think I should just admit it. I feel like a failure as a parent. I've homeschooled my kids for several years. Which sort of feels like confessions of civil war.
Now that all five of my kids are going to private school, I've been able to see the areas that I seriously let them down. I'm not the sharpest pencil in the box, and I have my blond moments, but I thought I was holding my own. And perhaps against the public school system I was, but not this school.
Justin is having stress seizures without blacking out. It's kinda like he's coherent one minute and the next, if you ask him what color his shirt is, he'll say " 7!"

Bethany has dyslexia. Which, to anyone who has a child like this, is one of the most frustrating things imaginable. (Spell the word "four"..... fore, for, fuor, fr, fer, orf, erof, four.

Dulcey has a smashed finger, thanks to Cody. Which looks horrific, and may need more treatment than just a bandaid. (we'll see)

Anna-Claire has a finger that is so bad, she's lost most the flesh off of the tip and half of the nail. I've made her soak it twice a day (crocodile tears), and neosporin and it still looks gruesome.

As for me, I've been in the ER, I'm in pain, and now I'm pretending it's all been just a bad dream. I'm cranky, and irritable, and I've spent half of the grocery bill on gas just to trek across town several miles to pick up and drop off one child or three or two, or whoever is suppose to be getting in my car.
I feel like a new mother again. You know that moment when you bring your first child home from the hospital and it's like 11pm and you're exhausted and the kid looks at you and you look at it and think "Well.... what now?"

I just want to cry.